Dating apps provide two things, accessibility and an overwhelming volume of viable options. Today, it's easier than ever to navigate, what can be, the torturous terrain that is singledom. As a single, 32 y.o. female, I've tried a lot of dating apps. Which can either be taken as a red flag or that I know a thing or two about dating. I prefer the latter. Here have been my takeaways:
Forget everything you thought you knew about first dates, it's irrelevant now.
Guys paying on a first date is pretty much archaic (a topic for another day).
In-person meet ups are not a date, they're an initial assessment of whether or not you measure up to your three pictures and one sentence declaration of who you are.
This era of careless swiping and sizing one another up saddens me, but where else do people meet? Many of us spend our time working and making connections on a professional level, I think most can agree that work and romance do not mix. So what's a girl to do when your current social circle has zero potential partners? I see why dating apps continue to monopolize the romance game.
A few months ago, a friend offered me an invite to Raya, an app that's been referred to as, "the Soho House of dating apps" because some members are rumored to be celebrities. Intrigued, I filled out an application because yes, there's an actual vetting process but because I didn't meet any of Raya's criteria (fame and a few thousand Instagram followers) I was accepted because I knew someone. (Image via Thrillist)
Technically speaking, Raya is a pretty standard dating app—you swipe on people and match when they swipe on you. What makes it different than Tinder or Bumble, is it's exclusivity factor and subtle things like incorporating a song that plays to your profile. One feature, "Social Mode", I found particularly creepy, provides users to see where Raya members are in real time on a map. Click on any bar and you can actually see who's there or walk into any bar and Raya members are immediately notified that you are there too. (Image via TechCrunch)
Exclusivity is really what sets Raya apart, the app prides itself on maintaining member's privacy, which I experienced firsthand when my friend texted to ask how it was going. I screenshot my empty inbox that stated "you have zero matches" but before I could text it to my friend, I received a stern notification from Raya saying something to the effect of, "We have a strict privacy policy and do not condone screenshotting. Consider this your warning and if you continue to screenshot you will be removed from the app." Eek.
Of the two dates I did go on, both guys seemed particularly focused on how much money they made, who they knew, the car they drove, where they lived. Raya felt very geared toward Hollywood industry types, which makes a lot of sense considering the application process and that it was created by a celebrity. I quickly came to the conclusion this one was not for me.
I'm not against dating apps, I know they can work. I can't even keep track of all my friends who have met their cyber soul mates, but after years of intermittent trial and error and a particularly disheartening Bumble date at a dog park—when my date confronted me about not liking his dog (read the full story here)—it might time for a dating app detox, or ask someone out the terrifying, old-fashioned way.
Comments